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1992-01-07
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From harper@cc.helsinki.fi Fri Dec 14 16:49:48 1990
From: harper@cc.helsinki.fi ( Robert A. L. Harper )
Subject: Play it again Sam...
************* CLIP from /pub/misc/funnies/oxymorons **************
Quotes from Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer:
Quick as a flashlight.
It rolled off my back like a duck.
(When told his son was getting married)
Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
A hospital is no place to be sick.
Our comedies are not to be laughed at.
I can give you a definite perhaps.
(when told a script was full of old cliches)
Let's have some new cliches.
("You say you've never made a picture before?")
Yes, but that's our strongest weak point.
Gentleman, include me out.
A verbal contract is'nt worth the paper its printed on.
I can tell you in two words: im possible.
(on being told that a friend had named his son Sam, after him)
Why did you do that ? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Sam!
I paid too much for it, but its worth it.
Gentlemen, for your information, I have a question to ask you.
I read part of it all the way through.
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.
Let's bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue.
Goldwyn: What kind of dancing does Martha Graham do?
Associate: Modern dancing.
Goldwyn: I don't want her then, modern dancing is so old fashioned.
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after
they're dead.
Bookkeeper: Mr. Goldwyn, our files are bulging with paperwork we no
longer need. May I have your permission to destroy all
records before 1945?
Goldwyn: Certainly. Just be sure to keep a copy of everything.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
(on a film set of a tenement)
Goldwyn : Why is everything so dirty here?
Director : Because it's supposed to be a slum area.
Goldwyn : Well, this slum cost a lot of money. It should look
better than an ordinary slum.
Gentlemen, listen to me slowly.
That's the trouble with directors - always biting the hand that lays
the golden egg.
Keep a stiff upper chin.
We have all passed a lot of water since then.
... we have that Indian scene. We can get the Indians from the resevoir.
(in discussing Lillian Helman's play, "The Children's Hour")
Goldwyn : Maybe we ought to buy it?
Associate : Forget it, Mr. Goldwyn, its about Lesbians.
Goldwyn : That's okay, we'll make them Americans.
Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.
Associate : Its to caustic for film.
Goldwyn : To hell with the cost, if it's a good story, I'll make it.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
* Robert Harper * Internet: HARPER@CC.HELSINKI.FI *
-=ROB=- * Helsinki University * Earn/Bitnet HARPER@FINUHA.BITNET *
* Finland * Tel:358-0-7085300 Fax:90-708511 *
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*